The Short and Practical Guide for Parents Who Don’t Care About Piano
The Short and Practical Guide for Parents Who Don’t Care About Piano
If we’re being completely honest, the situation is this: Your kid is taking piano lessons. It wasn’t your idea. Either the kid has a natural interest in piano, or - we’re being honest here, remember? - another parent or family member thinks it’s important for them to take music lessons and you have no choice but to go along with it.
Piano doesn’t appeal to you. That could be because you know nothing about playing piano. It’s at least equally likely to be because you had to take piano lessons yourself as a kid, and you hated it. (I’m sorry that’s the way it went for you!)
But your kid is going to be taking piano lessons, and you, a good parent, want to be helpful and not get in the way.
Sound like you? Then read on, my friend. I’m going to give you a few simple guidelines for how to help your kid have a good experience taking piano lessons. It’s four dos and two don’ts - not hard to remember, and not that hard to do, either.
Before I try to give you my advice, let me pitch to you why you should even read these tips, rather than check out of the piano lessons process altogether and let the kid and the other adults figure it out. (If you’re already convinced, you can skip to the list at the end.)
Why you should read and follow these tips
You are a good parent, and that means caring about what’s going on in your kid’s life.
Money is being spent, and whether it’s yours or not, you wouldn’t want it to be wasted.
Same goes for time - if you’re going to do lessons, at least do them right, or else it’s all a colossal waste of time and effort for everyone.
This stuff really will make a difference. How you act about piano lessons, whether you help and what you do to help, will make a huge, huge difference in how well your kid does, how they feel, and how the experience of taking lessons and playing music will shape who they are for the rest of their life.
If you had a negative experience with piano lessons in your own childhood, you definitely don’t want it to be like that for your own child, right?
Inaction is a choice, too, and it has consequences. You could actually cause piano lessons to be a painful, bad experience for your kid.
It may seem like I’m asking you to put in time and effort that you’d rather save for other purposes. Yes, I am, BUT, believe me, this is the most efficient way to handle this situation. Put in this little bit of effort from the beginning, and you’ll head off so many more problems that will come along to make you and your kid miserable. Those problems will take SO much more time and effort and sanity away from you, and they could ultimately be unfixable!
Let’s be realistic.
Look, I’m a piano teacher, so obviously I think piano is hecking great. I also have to be realistic about the fact that some parents aren’t feeling it as much as I am. I know for a fact that your help and support is going to make taking lessons a better experience for your kid. And I also know that I’m never going to convince you to give that help and support by wagging my finger at you for not having all the same values and opinions as I do.
I don’t care to do that, anyway, so don’t worry, that’s not going to happen here. You’re welcome to feel however you like about piano. And I acknowledge that there are aspects of being a parent of a beginner pianist that aren’t fun.
I give you permission to dislike hearing your kid practice. Beginner musicians are usually not that great to listen to. Beginner music is very very simple, and musical exercises for the purpose of learning skills don’t usually sound cool. Being a beginner and making rough sounds is a necessary part of the learning process that we all have to accept. Your child has to go through the early stages in order to get good enough at piano to play music you might enjoy listening to.
Who knows? You may warm up to piano after a while. Or you may not. That’s fine. I also give you permission to never grow to like piano music.
You may not think learning to play piano is cool or fun, but I hope you can agree that it can be very beneficial for kids. There’s a vast amount of research attesting to the long-term cognitive, social, and emotional benefits of music lessons for kids.
And you may never come to love piano music, but I hope you’ll love spending time with your child and helping them learn and grow. No matter how you feel about piano, I know you feel strongly that your kid is awesome.
I don’t need to convert you to Team Piano. I just want to help you not be miserable for however long you’re going to be a piano parent.
So, here are your six rules for being a supportive piano parent. I’m going to start with the don’ts, because I think they might be more important than the dos.
Six rules for being a supportive piano parent
1. DON’T be negative or make fun.
Hold yourself back from saying or implying negative judgments about lessons, piano music, people who play piano, the teacher, practicing, or ANYTHING related to lessons. Don’t mock or make jokes about any of those things, either. You don’t want to model a negative or avoidant attitude towards piano lessons or practicing, because your kid will pick up on it and emulate it, or they’ll feel judged for liking piano. Your kid will do almost anything for your approval, including pretending to dislike something because they can tell you have a bad opinion of it. They will act the way they think you want them to act. Make sure you’re not sending a message you don’t want to send.
For example, although this is hilarious, don’t make this kind of joke around your kid when they’re taking piano lessons:
(Image of a test question which says, “Cause: Tony practices the piano 20 minutes every day. Effect: (in child’s handwriting) he is a big nerd”)
2. DON’T compromise the schedule.
I can’t overstate this one: NEVER compromise the schedule! Lesson time and practice time should not be treated as optional or flexible. Schedule other activities around them. There are two reasons you should do this.
One, as soon as you treat the schedule as negotiable, it will become a battlefield. You do NOT want to get on the whining and nagging treadmill. Head off practice time headaches by setting the schedule in stone.
Two, by committing to the schedule, you’re sending the message that piano is important, so your kid will treat it as important. In the end, it’s their effort and attitude that will bring success.
I assume you make your kid go to school? You help them with their homework even when it’s tedious, right? You take them to gymnastics or Little League or tennis, and you supervise them while they hang out with their friends, even if you would rather do something else. You make them take a bath and brush their teeth. Be the responsible adult with piano lessons, too. Don’t dodge lessons or skimp on practice time.
3. DO praise, encourage, and use positive language.
“You’re doing great” takes two seconds to say, and it makes a world of difference for your kid to hear those words. You don’t even have to mean it, although ideally you will.
4. DO attend all the performances.
Being there means more than anything you say. Your time and your presence are an essential affirmation for your kid. And remember, don’t sabotage it by being a grump or acting like you think it’s lame.
5. DO be cool with the teacher.
Communicate clearly and promptly with the teacher. That’s just good business, but having a positive relationship with the teacher also helps things go as smoothly as possible for your kid. The teacher can give you tips and insights into your kid’s learning process that will make it even easier for you to be supportive.
Photo by Alena Darmel from Pexels
6. DO help your kid practice.
Sit with your kid and help them practice. If there’s another adult available to do this, you can bow out, but when you’re the only parent on the scene, it falls to you.
It’s not hard, though. Literally just sit there, being patient and positive, while they do their thing. Read a book or scroll through your social media once they get going on their own, but be available and keep them on task. If they have a question, help them figure out the answer if you can. Let them know they’re doing it right. Give them a few compliments.
Practicing well will make or break your kid’s lesson experience. You have to help set them up to succeed by helping them establish effective habits from the very beginning. Read “How to help your child practice” for more specific advice, or check out the Practicing category for all my articles related to practicing.
And that’s it! Basically it amounts to putting on a show of having a positive attitude. You don’t have to like piano or even think it’s truly important, you just have to act like you do.
Think of this as an expression of love for your kid. Like changing diapers and making meals and cleaning up after them, being a supportive piano parent isn’t something you’re doing for your own enjoyment or because it has inherent value to you. Put the focus on your child, and give them what they need to be successful and happy.
